It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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