Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
