Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
