I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize