i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
