Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
