I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
