Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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