i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
