guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
