My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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