Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize