Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
