I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
