508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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