i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
