True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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