i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
