Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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