Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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