You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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