this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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