he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
