Welp...herpes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
