Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
