Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
