That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
