im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
