my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
