physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
