It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
