The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize