I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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