I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
