i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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