I wannas sexs uuuuu
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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