you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
