Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
