Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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