I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
