I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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