I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
