Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
