So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
