dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
