Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
