haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
