Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
