This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
