Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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