i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
