I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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