I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize