i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
