just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
