I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
