So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
