Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
