I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I puked a lego.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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