wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
