You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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