I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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