i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
