I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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