Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
