Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Will you blow on my dice?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
