I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
