he wants to bone in the snuggie
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
